He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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