So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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