when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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