just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
