Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
