Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
