Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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