Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
