if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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