I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
