One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
