I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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