I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
