At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
