I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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