We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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