there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
