I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
