I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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