Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
