It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
