Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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