Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Best friends brother. Beat that.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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