Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
