just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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