I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
