I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Enjoy the penises
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
