he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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