From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm just crazy horny about you
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
