The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
