He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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