i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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