Small penises have feelings too.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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