WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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