dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize