He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You left your phone here
Wait...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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