with your own penis?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
