we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
