i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
