peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
