I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Boobs are out for the taking
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
