i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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