just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Congratulations! We have a period
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