So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize