and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
