jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
