ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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