don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
