If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
