You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
