I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
