based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think your dad took our porno
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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