But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
