At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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