I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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