The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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