Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
