Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
People in love make me want to vomit
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
