A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have tasted many bathrooms
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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