We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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