I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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