pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
