hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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