i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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