when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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