how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
