She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
